Dear Mr. Trump,
Now that I have your attention, can we talk?
- Congratulations on being the most "tweeted about world leader" at the United Nations General Assembly. I wonder if you realize that most of those tweets were multi-language variations on "What an asshole!"
- Tell Steve Bannon, the next time you guys are sharing a pizza, that the Alabamans who voted for Roy Moore are a pack of morons. But then again, so are the ones who voted for Luther Strange.
- Thank you for sharing the revelation that Puerto Rico "..is an island. Surrounded by...big water, ocean water." My husband finds this endearing. I do not.
- Speaking of Puerto Rico, I'm glad to hear that things are going "really well" there. Remind me to add "really well" to The Donald Trump Phrasebook and Dictionary.
- That's some tax cut you're promoting: "giant, beautiful, massive". (You left out "turgid" and "throbbing".) Rip my bodice, and I'm sold.
- Please explain how a puffy, orange, old draft dodger - who has publicly ridiculed John McCain as "not a war hero" - can be questioning the respect of protesting athletes for the United States military.
In the theater of the absurd that is now America, it is only appropriate that your administration be brought down by socially conscious members of the National Football League.
And speaking of sports, I have a sort of Fantasy Team in my head for a re-make of Blazing Saddles. Until recently, I had only cast Barack Obama as Sheriff Bart and Joe Biden as The Waco Kid.
But now, I think you'd be perfect as "The Pres", and wouldn't Mike Pence make a wonderful Hedley Lamarr?
As for Lili von Shtupp...