Morons

Dear Mr. Trump,

You:  "They had these beautiful, soft towels, very good towels.  And I came in and there was a crowd of a lot of people, and they were screaming and they were loving everything.  I was having fun, they were having fun.  They said, 'Throw 'em to me!  Throw 'em to me, Mr. President!  So the next day they said, 'Oh, it was so disrespectful to the people.'  It was just a made-up thing.  And also, when I walked in, the cheering was incredible."

Mike Huckabee:  "You were a rock star."

Trust me, there is not a single late-night comic who wants to see you leave office.

And, by the way, Mike Huckabee is a moron, too.

Saludos,

Underemployed

A Terrific Idea

At this moment, while 9 out of 10 people in Puerto Rico still have no electricity, and many have no running water...

...Mr. Trump is hosting a Hispanic Heritage event.

(Let that settle into your brain for a minute, and - while you're at it - imagine what it must be like for Puerto Rican families with babies.  And/or elderly.  And/or sick people.)

I am hoping that at least some people at that event toss paper towels.  Not at Mr. Trump, because they'll get arrested, but perhaps to each other, a visible protest in commemoration of his memorable behavior during his visit to that devastated island.

In fact, I hope the paper towel protest toss follows Trump wherever he goes.  Preferably for the rest of his life.

It's a terrific idea.

Querido Presidente Ridiculo

Querido Presidente Ridiculo,

Las unicas noticias falsas que hay son las que salen de su boca.

Sus ciudadanos (de veras!),

Puerto Rico

Candygram for Mongo!

Dear Mr. Trump,

Now that I have your attention, can we talk?

1. Congratulations on being the most "tweeted about world leader" at the United Nations General Assembly.  I wonder if you realize that most of those tweets were multi-language variations on "What an asshole!"  
2. Tell Steve Bannon, the next time you guys are sharing a pizza, that the Alabamans who voted for Roy Moore are a pack of morons.  But then again, so are the ones who voted for Luther Strange.   
3. Thank you for sharing the revelation that Puerto Rico "..is an island.  Surrounded by...big water, ocean water."  My husband finds this endearing.  I do not.
4. Speaking of Puerto Rico, I'm glad to hear that things are going "really well" there.  Remind me to add "really well" to The Donald Trump Phrasebook and Dictionary.
5. That's some tax cut you're promoting:  "giant, beautiful, massive".  (You left out "turgid" and "throbbing".)  Rip my bodice, and I'm sold.
6. Please explain how a puffy, orange, old draft dodger - who has publicly ridiculed John McCain as "not a war hero" - can be questioning the respect of protesting athletes for the United States military. 

In the theater of the absurd that is now America, it is only appropriate that your administration be brought down by socially conscious members of the National Football League.

And speaking of sports, I have a sort of Fantasy Team in my head for a re-make of Blazing Saddles.  Until recently, I had only cast Barack Obama as Sheriff Bart and Joe Biden as The Waco Kid. 

But now, I think you'd be perfect as "The Pres", and wouldn't Mike Pence make a wonderful Hedley Lamarr?

As for Lili von Shtupp...

Too obvious?

Contumaciously yours,

Underemployed