Dear Mr. Trump,
Another crazy week! Who could blame you for escaping to Mar-a-Lago for a little relaxation and a Twitter tantrum accusing a former president of illegal abuse of power? It's a credit to your wisdom and cool head that you were able to move on so quickly to insult Arnold Schwarzenegger (dude, he's hotter than you, facelift and all, just sayin') and then play a few holes of golf.
Wiretapping! No way! "Way!" you say, and I am dying to see how this plays out, but your pet Spicey says there won't be another word about it until a proper investigation is conducted or you get your smartphone out of lockdown, whichever comes first.
I admit to being a bit skeptical about the wiretapping. Permission to do a wiretap is hard to get, even if you're the president. I believe that an FBI (not your favorite people) agent has to show a federal judge (notorious blockheads, as you well know) probable cause that the targeted wiretap-ee is an agent of a foreign power, and...well...um...hmmm...
Let's skip that.
The issue is definitely something bright and shiny, and distracting from Jeff Sessions' woes. Maybe that's what it's all about; you just being a true-blue friend. I think he might have some more problems coming his way, though. Someone just might be inspired to look into Mr. Sessions' connections with the private prison industry. Which is currently being accused of using slave labor. Which some people might view as - to use the vernacular - right up his alley.
Never a dull moment! I'll say this for you, Mr. Trump:
You've certainly lived up to expectations.