Dear Mr. Sessions,
To save everybody a lot of time, money, and a deluge of Wolf Blitzer's droning voice, I am appointing myself Special Prosecutor of your case.
Here is the accusation:
- At your confirmation hearing, Senator Franken asked you a question.
- You lied,
- And you knew it.
- Under oath,
- At you own freaking confirmation hearing.
Here is the evidence against you:
Just to be clear, here - according to the Oxford English dictionary - is the definition of perjury:
"The offence of wilfully telling an untruth or making a misrepresentation under oath."
Here is the definition of untruth:
"A lie or false statement (often used euphemistically)".
Here is the definition of false:
"Not according with truth or fact; incorrect."
Here is the definition of lie (noun):
"An intentionally false statement."
And here is the definition of lie (verb)
Tell a lie or lies."
With me so far?
Anything to say in your defense? That doesn't make you sound like a ten-year-old who didn't do his homework?
I didn't think so.
Now please go away.
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