Dear Mr. Trump,
I don't think you quite understand this whole Special Counsel/FBI "prosecutorial bias" thing.
I know those are big, fancy words, but I think I can give you some insight into the situation. Apparently, your family/friends/staff have not yet done so, probably for the following reasons:
- They would be forced to acknowledge their own dismal unpopularity with...um...well, everybody.
- They're afraid you'll stop giving them money.
- They're really not very bright.
Here's the real deal:
The truth is, if one were to sample ANY random group of human beings on this planet - possibly including your immediate family - one would find a remarkably high percentage of people who find you contemptible.
And that's because you are.
Veraciously yours,
Underemployed
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