Finally, and after much consideration, I have figured out a way to get rid of Donald Trump:
True, we might find it difficult to ignore a person who is insulting us, swindling us, destroying our futures, grabbing our pussies, and inviting someone to drop a nuclear bomb on our heads. But, to be fair, I don't think many of these (except for the pussy-grabbing) are Trump's original ideas, and protesting him will do very little to solve our problems. It would only serve to keep his name on the front page and ringing in our ears.
Which is exactly what he wants.
So let's not give it to him.
I have a feeling that he would soon be off to greener and more publicity-fertile pastures, with the results of his physical exam (by a real doctor this time) in January providing a convenient escape.
In the meantime, I appreciate the difficulty of ignoring a large, orange, raging blob in one's face, and offer the following suggestions:
- Do not financially support his "brand". That means no Trump hotels, golf courses, universities, vodka, steaks, wine, cow magnets, or MAGA hats. I doubt many people would find this to be a hardship.
- Pay no attention to his children. Oh, you weren't? Okay, done.
- Turn off the television. Get your news from newspapers and magazines. I recommend Mad Magazine. And maybe The Economist.
- Do not click on any Internet article with the word "Trump" in it. The Internet keeps track of this stuff. And will soon forget he exists. You may, however, click on anything titled, "Trump Resigns".
- Do not attend protests, speeches, rallies, fundraisers. If you do, put duct tape over your mouth, stand very still, and hum tonelessly.
- Feel free to ignore anybody even vaguely associated with Trump. Personally, I would be delighted to ignore Nikki Haley.
- Do not vote for anybody Trump endorses, though there's usually reason enough not to vote for these candidates, even without his endorsement.
- Say "Happy Holidays" to everybody. Even your grandmother. Do it all year round.
- Watch the NFL compulsively.
- Do not even say Trump's name. Like Lord Voldemort. Which can be rearranged to read, "Old Troll Mover". And Donald Trump can be rearranged to read, "Dolt Ran Dump". Coincidence? You decide.
Of course, this movement will only be successful if it's global.
But I have faith.
(And by the way, hot shot, your approval rating is only around 38%. No matter what your knot of toads are telling you.)
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