Saturday, December 16, 2017

Banned Words

Dear Mr. Trump,

Did you ever see the movie, "Pee-wee's  Big Adventure"?  In the movie, there's a character named Andy (who sort of reminds me of you, but hairier and better dressed), of whom it is said, "He flunked French in high school and now he thinks everybody over there is out to make him look dumb."

Which pretty much sums up your attitude towards science.

Apparently, you and your clown car of senior advisors don't seem to understand how science works.  I promise you, science does not operate "in consideration with community standards and wishes". 

Thank God.  Galileo, for one, was notorious for not considering community standards and wishes.  Besides, it might actually come back to bite you on the butt, if the "community" in question has smart people in residence.  Or Druids.

But whatever your lack of education and/or common sense betrays, I am particularly concerned today with your (erroneous, I hope) idea that you have the power to ban words from the English language.

And the choice of words you are trying to ban makes me (to quote an American patriot) mildly nauseous. 

So - in retaliation - I hereby declare that, in the future, the following words be banned from any and all of your communications:
  1. neutality
  2. bigly
  3. crooked
  4. fake
  5. witch
  6. hunt
  7. Steve
  8. pussy
  9. covfefe
  10. JaredIvankaDonaldJrEric
I can think of more, but ten is a nice, round number and probably the limit of your attention span.

Well, at least we know what your phone call with Vladimir was all about.

Vulnerably yours,


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