Dear Mr. Trump,
How's that little vay-cay working out for you? Here's what we know so far:
- Your wife can't stand you.
- Maybe because you're a rat bastard?
- Your son-in-law is even creepier than you are.
- Your suits don't fit. Not even close.
- French people make fun of you.
- They didn't make fun of Obama. Just sayin'.
- His Holiness thinks you're a jerk.
- And when I first saw your ladies at the Vatican, I thought "Who died?"
- You really like Saudi Arabians.
- Probably because they give you (and your creepy kids) money.
- And shiny things.
- World peace? Fugeddaboudit.
So you're in Sicily now, are you? Let me give you a list of Sicilian words you're gonna hear. A lot. I don't know how they're spelled, but they sound like this:
They all pretty much mean the same thing. Except for the last one. But I think the word you're gonna hear the most is cafone. Like, you are the EMBODIMENT of a cafone. Take, for example, what you did to the Prime Minister of Montenegro. Smooth move, James Bond. The jacket flick was a nice touch.
Seriously, chooch, in the Italian dictionary next to cafone is your picture.
Hope this helps,
Sicilian-American special corresdondent
(BTW, a special "grazi'!" to the American-Italian dictionary at americanitalian.net.)