Dear Senator Jon Tester,
Apparently the going rate for stopping "false and extortionist accusations" is $130,000. If I were you, I'd skip the New Republican Senatorial Committee, and make the check out directly to Donald J. Trump.
And use a personal check. Wait until next month and slip it into a birthday card. There's plenty of time before the election.
Better yet, 26,000 five-dollar bills in a brown paper bag would be good, too, as long as the serial numbers aren't in sequence. Leave it on Rudy Giuliani's desk.
If he still has one.
Hang in there, cowboy!