Dear Manuel Padilla

Dear Mr. Padilla,

Today, you pointed out that, "We created this situation by not doing anything."

Fair enough.  But the point is that the children didn't create this situation.  And they're the ones being punished for it.

And we're still not doing anything.

Nice try,

Underemployed

Sound Familiar?

"His primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."

- U.S. Office of Strategic Services Psychological Profile of Adolf Hitler

Multiple Choice

A compilation of Kirstjen Nielsen's greatest hits:

1. "I actually do not know that, sir."  (i.e., that Norway was predominately white. 1/16/18)
2. "Operationally what that means is we will have to separate your family."  (5/10/18)
3. "I do not believe that conclusion that the specific intent was to help President Trump win.  I'm not aware of that."  (5/22/18)
4. "We do not have a policy of separating families.  Period."  (6/17/18)

Based on the above information, Kirstjen Nielsen is:

1. Insane.
2. Really, really dumb.
3. Inexplicably terrified by some horror yet to be named.
4. A bad liar.
5. All of the above.

Whatever she is, she's also - incredibly - the Secretary of Homeland Security.

Feeling secure?

Dear Children

Dear Children,

I'm sorry that we took you away from your mothers and fathers.  And I'm sorry that another day will come and go and nobody will do anything about it.

But here's the good news:  Everybody (except for, maybe, Jeff Sessions and Steve Miller) HATES what's happening to you!  Mr. Trump hates it, and Paul Ryan hates it, and even Kellyanne Conway (who should never wear green, ever) managed to come up with a shred of maternal-like feeling. 

Mrs. Trump hates it so much that she sent her very own spokesperson to tell everyone how much she hates it.  (Ivanka doesn't seem to care one way or the other, but she's busy with her plans to sell tampons in China, so don't take it personally).  And lots of Senators and Members of the House of Representatives are all really concerned.

However, the need to separate you from your parents seems to be a law of physics.  Nobody, not even The Most Powerful Man in the World Who Has Accomplished More than Anyone in History (to hear him tell it, which we do, every single day, ad nauseam) is apparently able to put an end to this sorry state of affairs.

Now, if it were me, I would probably pick up the phone, ask to speak to the person in charge of things at the border, and say, "Stop it." 

And I doubt I would get an argument.

There's hope.  We will just have to put up with all this grandstanding until Mr. Trump gets his $25,000,000,000 in extortion money, or the 2018 election rolls around in November.  Whichever comes first.

Until then, little ones, be brave.  You've already shown that you're braver than anyone in Congress.

Regretfully yours,

Underemployed

Dear Jeff Sessions

Dear Jeff Sessions,

Jesus thinks you're a jerk.

Posthumously yours,

Frank Zappa

Your Attention, Please

Dear Mr. Trump,

Today, during some cringe-worthy, glowing observations about your new boy-crush, Kim Jong Un, you wistfully remarked:

"He speaks and his people sit up at attention.  I want my people to do the same."

Well.

Aside from the obvious, which is that Kim's people only sit up to avoid being sent to a detention camp, I take umbrage with this.

First of all, the only person I can imagining myself sitting up and paying attention to is Robert Mueller.  Secondly, I certainly do not consider myself one of your people.  

But I worry about where all this is going.  I can only surmise that your vision of a Great-Again America includes that we should also:

1. Eat our vegetables.
2. Take out the garbage.
3. Clean our rooms.
4. Do our homework.
5. Go to bed on time.

And my guess is that it wouldn't end there.  You'll probably want us to stop hitting our brothers, too. Perhaps you have an obedience fetish, along with some other issues Ronny Jackson failed to notice.

Don't hold your breath,

Underemployed

The Fourth Deadly Sin

Justin Trudeau is the new Barack Obama.