Wednesday, September 5, 2018

What a Surprise

Dear Mr. Trump,

Bob Woodward's book has barely reared its long-awaited head, and I think we already have a consensus:  He's not telling us anything we don't already know.  "We" being everybody on Earth who isn't flat-lining. 

The book is, apparently, a confirmation.  Not a revelation.  Certainly not a fabrication.  Calling the book a fabrication only exacerbates your own Godzilla-like credibility issues, if that's even possible.  For starters, the man has tapes.  Lots of them.  He also has receipts (look it up, on Google), like 2 Pulitzer Prizes, 5 years in the Navy, 12 best sellers.  

And one presidential notch already on his belt.  

Furthermore, I appeal to whatever sense of self-preservation you may possess to think twice about calling for tougher libel laws.  First of all, it's too late; and secondly, you'll only be opening yourself up to a hundred million lawsuits (Ted Cruz might have one.  Certainly Mrs. Cruz does.)  If you think Woodward's book is libel, my advice is to stop paying so much attention to professional barnacles like Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity, and start paying more attention to your Google search results.  

Grim as all this might seem, however, it's not your biggest worry.  Don't look now, but your Vice President thinks that God is "calling him" to be "president-in-waiting".

Personally I think God has the wrong number, but what does that even mean?  It means that your biggest worry is, perhaps, how your Vice President thinks God is going to help him out on this.

Consider:  Either Pence thinks he's going to step into your office when God gives you a heart attack, or Mueller gives you an indictment.  Or he thinks he's going to take it in 2020.  (Because you're not there for some reason.  Heart attack?  Indictment?)  Or he thinks he's going to run in 2024.  And win.  Unlikely in my opinion, despite the power of God, unless he seriously lightens up on the Juvederm.

So that leaves the first two options.  There might be other possibilities here, of which I'm not nefarious enough to conceive.  

But I'm sure Mike and God are working on it.

Watch your back,


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