Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The Best Is Yet to Come

"You know, Lars, we are two very good people."

"That is true, Olav."

"In fact, I would say that we are two of the Best People in the whole country."

"I would not disagree."

"Look at us!  We are handsome, smart, and well-educated.  We have good jobs, nice apartments, and new cars.  Our girlfriends are scientists and super-models.  And they can cook!  Great soups, which we do not slurp."

"You are right, Lars.  But what is your point?"

"Well...Olav, I think we should emigrate to the United States."

"But why?  We have great lives here!"

"That is correct.  But their president..."

"The Russian?"

"He is not Russian.  Only dresses like one.  Their president says he wants the Best People to emigrate to the United States.  And we are the Best People."

"But why?  Don't they have their own Best People?"

"No.  Have you ever watched Fox News?"

"Lars, why should people like us, who are the best and are enjoying their lives, want to live somewhere else?"

"Because the United States is the Greatest Country on Earth."

"Oh.  Yes.  Sometimes I forget."

"And the president obviously needs some Best People. The Best People could show him how to comb his hair.  And go suit shopping with him.  Olav, did you know that he is orange?  The Best People do not let things like that happen."

"People shoot each other in the United States, Lars.  A lot."

"They will not shoot at us.  We are tall.  Olav, this is a great opportunity, though the reason escapes me at the moment."

"Then what are we waiting for?  We could take our whole families!"

"Yes!  They are all Best People.  Except for your ugly cousin Dagmar.  Not even blonde.  If we bring her, our country will lose foreign aid from the United States."

"Lars, our country doesn't get foreign aid from the United States."

"Perhaps, if we send them some Best People, they will start giving it to us.  But now that I think of it, our girlfriends might leave us for NBA stars."


"And if we don't come over on the Queen Mary, they might separate us from our parents."


"And then there is Kentucky, Arkansas, Alabama, Jeff Sessions..."


"Olav, let's stay home."

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