I just took the Montreal Cognitive Assessment. And whew! Am I relieved!
I mean, I'm a person who can't remember which side of my mouth I just flossed, and now I feel sure that I have the cognitive abilities to be President of the United States:
- I know my alphabet. In order!
- I can copy a cube.
- AND draw a clock. WITH all the numbers on it.
- I can identify THREE animals from shithole countries.
- And I know what the cow says. (It wasn't on the assessment, but just so you know.)
- I can remember five words.
- AND five numbers.
- AND I can even say three numbers BACKWARDS. (Kim Jong Un, look out!)
- I can identify the letter "A". Over and over again.
- I can subtract 7 from 100, FIVE WHOLE TIMES!!!
- I can repeat two sentences.
- I can think of 11 or more words that begin with the letter "F". In under a minute!
- I know what a choo-choo is. And how it's like my bicycle.
- AND I can tell you what a watch and ruler have in common (though I had to think about that for a minute).
- I know the date ('cuz it's on my phone).
- And the month ('cuz it's my birthday next week).
- And the year ('cuz I'm counting the days to 2020).
- And it's Wednesday.
- And I'm in Chicago.
- Illinois, USA.
I can even tell you what PLANET I live on. Which seems to be different than the one you live on, since it seems to have escaped your notice that there's something a little...shall we say...unusual about your celebrity patient's behavior. But, hey! You were appointed by Barack Obama, so you must have had something on the ball.
Keep up the good work,