Your Attention, Please

Dear Mr. Trump,

Today, during some cringe-worthy, glowing observations about your new boy-crush, Kim Jong Un, you wistfully remarked:

"He speaks and his people sit up at attention.  I want my people to do the same."

Well.

Aside from the obvious, which is that Kim's people only sit up to avoid being sent to a detention camp, I take umbrage with this.

First of all, the only person I can imagining myself sitting up and paying attention to is Robert Mueller.  Secondly, I certainly do not consider myself one of your people.  

But I worry about where all this is going.  I can only surmise that your vision of a Great-Again America includes that we should also:

1. Eat our vegetables.
2. Take out the garbage.
3. Clean our rooms.
4. Do our homework.
5. Go to bed on time.

And my guess is that it wouldn't end there.  You'll probably want us to stop hitting our brothers, too. Perhaps you have an obedience fetish, along with some other issues Ronny Jackson failed to notice.

Don't hold your breath,

Underemployed