Dear Mr. Trump,
Now that all the smart (read: BORING) people are gone, I'll bet you're ready for a little fun. And what's more fun (to you, anyway, probably because you don't drink) than a big, expensive military PARADE??!
Think of it: Wow wow wow! Tanks! Bombs! John Philip Sousa! Majorettes! Generals! Shiny buttons! LOTS of flyovers (zoom zoom)! Soldiers with BIG guns! Lots of soldiers, all marching by YOU, saluting their
And there you'll be - tall, at attention, big belly sucked in, mean old orange Mussolini face - proudly saluting them back. Now we're talking presidential!
Who's a big boy now?
Full speed ahead! Your advisors and your little friends in Congress will be more than happy to keep you distracted with all these cool new toys. And there's no one left in the White House to tell you no.
Well, there's one person.
But if you eat all your vegetables and put on your pajamas right away, maybe Uncle General Kelly will let you play with your trucks.