Fake President

Dear Mr. Trump,

What's this I hear?  That the infamous Access Hollywood tape is "not authentic"?

Now I know the word "authentic" has three syllables, and may be hard for you to use correctly in a sentence, but if by "not authentic" you mean "fake" (one syllable - you know - like The News), then you may have (at last!) overreached your (considerable) ability to bamboozle morons.

What happened to, "I said it.  I was wrong.  And I apologize."  Was that fake, too?  And don't tell me you felt pressured and/or intimidated.  If you do, nobody will let you play with your friend Kim anymore.  

Tell me, maybe, that Melania is a double-agent and that every day she feeds you a quarter tab of LSD in your Diet Coke.  I would not immediately dismiss the possibility.  At least, it wouldn't insult my intelligence.

Dude.  We have a VIDEO of you OWNING the Access Hollywood tape.  I mean, even the dumbest, the ones who couldn't identify 1984 in a lineup, the most flat-lining, brain-dead, gun-totin', bible-thumpin' members of your "base", have got to be scratching their heads and going, "Huh?"

Think about it. Which one should we believe? If we believe that both the tape AND the video are fake, then how much else of you is fake?  (Well, your hair and your tan, obviously.)  But what if every single thing you've ever said and done is fake?  How would we know?  Because you tell us?  How would we know that's not fake, too?  

Fake News about a Fake President.  It would explain your lack of significant accomplishments.

Along with all the goofy shit you do.

Unbelievably yours,

Underemployed