Dear Michael Wolff

Dear Mr. Wolff,

I just finished reading Fire and Fury.  And I'm a little perplexed.

First of all, let me congratulate you on a fine book.  My husband (commonly regarded as a sane person, unlike me) is reading it now, and he agrees.  I am very much a literature snob and I can truly say that, though I think it is obvious that the book was rushed into publication (with good reason) before a final edit, it is well written.  And entertaining.  And informative.

And if it's all bullshit...then, dude, you're Tolstoy.

What I find perplexing is the antipathy towards Fire and Fury on the part of the media.  Left and right.  The book is more descriptive than vindictive, so the criticisms of it seem to be a bit overwrought.  Maybe you just rub people the wrong way.  I can see that.

But thank you for the good read.  I highly recommend it.  And I look forward to a sequel.

If you can find anyone who will talk to you.

Your fan,

Underemployed

Dear Michael Wolff

Dear Mr. Wolff,

I was wondering why you called your book "Fire and Fury" instead of "Tantrums and Tiny Hands".  But thank you for not calling it "The Great Transition", given the fact that the Boychurian Candidate probably only read the title.  

Looking forward to a sequel,

Underemployed

Another Pop Quiz

What is the difference between these two sentences?

1. "Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?"
2. "Why are we having all these people from shithouse countries come here?"

If you answered "nothing", you would be correct.

If you answered that this all sounds like some bullshit concocted by a bunch of fucking third-graders, you would also be correct.

But at least they got "Fire and Fury" out of the headlines, right?

Mission accomplished.

Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

Tell me you did not say this:

"We are going to take a strong look at our country's libel laws so that when somebody says something that is false and defamatory about someone, that person will have meaningful recourse in our courts."

Wow.

Maybe you didn't compose that statement, because it's coherent and contains a few big words.  But you did agree to say it, apparently not fully comprehending what it means.

At the risk of stating the obvious, it means that - should you pursue this line of thinking -  your lawyers will be spending a LOT of time handling people seeking "meaningful recourse".

Starting, perhaps, with Barack Obama.

And James Comey.

Be careful what you wish for,

Underemployed

Dear Sebastian Gorka

Dear Mr. Gorka,

I'm impressed.

Well, not really.  But I do find your description of Michael Wolff as an "oleaginous scribe" to be an interesting use of the English language.  Personally, I would describe him as a "perfidious quill driver", but then I don't have the benefit of your supposititious education.

But I guess if you're getting five minutes worth of attention, you gotta make the most of it.

Contumeliously yours,

Underemployed

Dear Michael Wolff

Dear Mr. Wolff,

Nice try.

A valiant effort, in fact, but unfortunately he's still here.  I'm guessing that's because you really didn't tell us anything that anyone who's been paying the least amount of attention didn't already know.

And, of course, there's his army of D-list politicos rallying to his defense.  Mainly because they realize that their association with The Orange One will render them unemployable for the rest of their lives.  Which sort of makes me wonder what Lindsey Graham is up to, but we'll find out soon enough and it can't be anything good.

Party on, and good luck with that,

Underemployed