Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

Please stop calling the news media "the Enemy of the People".  It makes you sound so...what's the word I'm looking for here...?

Despotic.

Irrepressibly yours,

Underemployed

Dear Mariia Butina

Dear Mariia,

That new jumpsuit is just FABULOUS with your hair!

Your fellow fashion girl,

Underemployed

The Long Walk Back

Dear Mr. Trump,

In reference to your press conference with Vladimir Putin:

Aside from the outrage and skepticism of everybody with a functioning cerebral cortex, I think you might have emerged the winner in the "would/wouldn't" controversy of late.  I mean, when the laughter subsided, we all just moved on to the next catastrophe, right?

Which brings me to my point.

"An incredible idea!" you said.  (Twice, by my count.)  And it's on video which makes it harder to blame the "fake news" (though that didn't deter you when it came to your Theresa May comments).

You were referring to Putin's generous offer to allow Special Counsel Mueller access to interviews with the indicted Russian hackers.  In exchange for allowing Russia to question certain American citizens "of interest" to them.

I don't think that's gonna fly.

I'm guessing even YOU won't be able to sell this idea.  So you'll have to walk it back:  What did you really mean?  What did you really say?  What did you really mean to say?

And I have some suggestions.

Instead of "incredible", you meant to say:

1. "indelible"
2. "inedible"
3. "ineffable"
4. "insensible"
5. "illegible"
6. "illiberal"
7. "intangible"
8. "impeccable"
9. "umbilical"
10. "hilarious"

None of this makes sense, of course, which you would realize if you could read.  (How about "impeachable"?  That would make sense.)

But people are used to that.  I can imagine the august members of your "base" nodding sagely and saying, "See?  He just misspoke."

Incredible. 

Unfathomably yours,

Underemployed

Grammar Police

Dear Mr. Trump,

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know a double negative if it bit you on the ass.

Grammatically yours,

Underemployed

Helsinki

Dear Mr. Trump,

Personally, I think you looked - and sounded - straight-up, flat-out terrified.

Of what?  One might wonder.

Curiously yours,

Underemployed

Dear Michael Avenatti

Dear Michael Avenatti,

"...every time I watch him work, I think, 'This is what it must have been like to see the Sistine Chapel being painted.'" 

- Stormy Daniels

I couldn't have said it better myself.

And I love how she brings the Holy Father into play here.  Seriously, you guys are keeping me off the Galliano.

In bocca al lupo,

Connie Staccato
President
Italian-Americans Against that Boombots in the White House

If Scotland Can Do It

Why can't Congress?

The People Who Said No to Trump