News Flash

A Russian surveillance plane flew over the Capitol:
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/russian-surveillance-plane-soars-over-the-pentagon-capitol-and-other-washington-sights/ar-AApN302?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartandhp

I wonder if they found the inflatable chicken:

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-massive-inflatable-chicken-is-staring-down-the-white-house/ar-AApMR29?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartandhp

Anthony, We Hardly Knew Ya

Dear Anthony,

I told you to stop shooting your mouth off, and now look where it got you.  Fired by a guy who puts ketchup on a steak.  And his Irish general friend.  If it makes you feel any better, your worst meal was better than anything they ever put in their mouths.

I'm sorry you got fired.  You were funny.  Not like the rest of those jamokes.

Well, take a vacation.  Write a book.  I'll buy it, promise.  And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me.  Actually, you don't know where to find me. 

Ask the Russians.  They probably do.

In boca al lupo and don't be a stranger.

Your fourth cousin, once removed,

Connie Staccato

Generally Speaking

I have heard through the grapevine that Mr. Trump's new chief of staff, used-to-be General John Kelly, "...won't suffer idiots and fools."

Um...okay.

That leaves a rather obvious question begging to be asked.

Dear Senator McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

That was heroic.  Thank you.

Respectfully yours,

Underemployed

Hey, Anthony!

Jeez, calm down!

You're quoting Joe Paterno and talking about hanging people.  One more stupid thing out of your mouth and I'll be wondering - like everybody else - what you're putting up your nose.

Take a nap or something.

Your fourth cousin, once removed,

Connie Staccato

All Hat, No Cattle

Dear Representative Farenthold,

Unfortunately, you have come to my attention today.  Specifically, your wistfully expressed desire to settle the health care issue "Aaron Burr-style" with "female senators from the Northeast".

But only if they were "a guy from south Texas".

Wow.  So much to work with here.

I assume you are referring to Sentaor Susan Collins of Maine, Senator Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia, and Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska.

For the record:

1. I am from central Oklahoma.
2. People from Oklahoma generally consider people from Texas - south or otherwise - to be yahoo blowhards.
3. West Virginia and Alaska are not in the Northeast.
4. Susan, Shelley, and Lisa are - probably - all better shots than you are.
5. And they would have a much larger target.

Which goes to show you that grown men who allow themselves to be photographed, while attired in "ducky pajamas", alongside "lingerie models", should not be taken seriously.  http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/politicians-potentially-career-ending-photos-gallery-1.14806?pmSlide=1.22120

Especially by voters.

Git along, little dogie,

Underemployed 

My Cousin Anthony

Would you believe it?  Anthony Scaramucci is my fourth cousin! 

Once removed.

Hey, Anthony!

It's me, Connie.  The last time we saw each other was at Aunt Lena's wedding and you were about six.  Congratulations, and don't get a swelled head.

I saw you on TV the other night.  Jesus, are you kidding me?  Anthony, some advice.  Stop combing your hair with a rake and put on a tie that isn't shiny!  You look like an undertaker, for chrissakes.  And stop telling everybody about all the shit you're gonna do.  That's not how Sicilians operate, in case you forgot.

And lastly, Mooch, listen to me here.  Just because you're hanging out with that big orange gagootz doesn't mean you can say stuff that isn't true.

Remember, St. Anthony can hear you.

Make me proud,

Connie Staccato
Special Correspondent
Underemployed Is the New Organic