Friday, March 24, 2017

Dear France

Dear France,

Regarding Ms. Le Pen:  I've seen this movie before.  I know how it ends.

Faites attention!

Underemployed




Thursday, March 23, 2017

I Can't Let Go

Dear Mr. Pence,

Regarding my previous post ("Dear Mr. Pence"), I need a reality check.

Given that:
  1. All of the people in that photograph are men.
  2. And elected officials.
  3. And highly educated (in theory),
  4. And, on average, at least 50% of their constituents are women,
  5. Who (also, in theory), vote...
...you expect me to believe that not one of those guys looked around that room and was prompted to say, "Dudes, I'm pretty sure none of us know what the fuck we're talking about."

Seriously???

It's not that I just disagree.  It's that I cannot, for the life of me, imagine the kind of mental processes going on in your quasi-Christianity-addled cranium.  When I try to imagine them, all I come up with are alien life forms.  And the Salem witch trials.

And now your puffy orange boss is threatening to take his toys and go home.  Tell the truck drivers to be sure to lock the doors and take their keys.

Appallingly yours,

Underemployed





 

Dear Mr. Pence


Dear Mr. Pence,

What is wrong with this picture?  If you answered, "Not one of those people know jack-shit about anything remotely connected with maternity," you would be right.

And I wouldn't be questioning your:
  1. Intelligence.
  2. Sanity.
  3. Morals.
  4. Residence status in the 21st century,
  5. And/or on Earth. 
Screw you.  And everybody else in that room.

Sincerely,

Underemployed
(Female, Mother)




Monday, March 20, 2017

Friday, March 17, 2017

Dear Pope Francis

Dear Pope Francis,

I just came across the following headline:

"Pope Tells Priests to Call in Exorcists When Needed"

I think the need is evident.

Can you lend us a priest?  And is there a group rate?

Yours in Christ,

Underemployed








Thursday, March 16, 2017

Dear Representative King

Dear Representative King,

May I quote you?

"My colleagues have generally been coming by and patting me on the back.  And a surprising number have said that they pray for me.  And, meaning they support me and they agree with me, a surprising number."

Or, meaning they think you're going to Hell. 

I wouldn't be surprised.

Unfortunately yours,

Underemployed

P.S.  Your nose looks like somebody's butt.






Curiouser and Curiouser

Dear Mr. Trump,

Every time I think that life under your inspired leadership can't get any weirder, it does.  Especially curious, and often disturbingly so, is your circle of confidants. A few of them would probably pass a psych eval, but I'm pretty sure that if I had to spend five minutes in a room with Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions, Steve Bannon, Steve Miller, and/or Kellyanne Conway, I could probably be persuaded to buy a one-way ticket to Mars.

I will now add Roger Stone to the list, the latest lunatic to emerge from your ever-increasing shadows.  I just can't keep up with all of these people, try as I might.  Much as I wish I didn't have to.

So, yeah, Roger.  Actually he's been on and off the scene for some time now.  A very snappy dresser, I'm told.  Doesn't wear socks, which disturbed Nancy Reagan, but hey! Einstein didn't wear socks either.  That's not enough to put him on my "whoa! wtf?" list. 

But this stuff is:
  1. He talks to you more often than I talk to my children.
  2. He exchanges tweets with Russian hackers.
  3. He once said, "One man's dirty trick is another man's civic participation."
  4. He thinks that someone is trying to bump him off,
  5. Because he thinks he was the victim of polonium 210 poisoning,
  6. And then - yesterday - an attempt at vehicular homicide.
  7. Because...why?
  8. And...by who?  The Russians?  You?
  9. To quote Ted Cruz (God help me, I'm quoting Ted Cruz):  "He's a man for whom a term was coined for copulating with a rodent."
  10. But the best reason - and I saw a picture of this, which may finally drive me into therapy - he has a picture of Richard Nixon tattooed on his back.

I think I'm done.  Good Lord, I hope so.  As I've said before, as soon as you start acting goofy, and I believe your "wiretapping" accusations qualify as goofy, one should check out what else is happening in your arena.

(By the way, you didn't use quotation marks in all of those tweets.  Go back and check.)

And if you see Rachel Maddow, tell her to calm down.

Very truly yours,

Underemployed