Take the quiz!
Please answer "yes", "no", or "Not sure, can you ask me again when I'm sober?" to the following questions:
- Are you over 18 years of age and have a high school diploma?
- If so, does your current employment require the use of a hairnet?
- Is your "boss" or "supervisor" more than 10 years younger than you are?
- If so, has she ever left her belly ring under your keyboard?
- Do you have an advanced degree? That you can remember?
- If so, is it in Psychology?
- Do you watch "reality" TV shows?
- If so, do you feel compelled to discuss them at your job?
- Are you ever shocked by your fellow employee(s) work wardrobes?
- If so, is it because their attire is truly shocking, or are you just a crabby old bitch?
- Are you required to ask permission to go to the restroom at work? (If you are an air-traffic controller or a guard at Buckingham Palace, please skip to question #13.)
- If so, are you also required to clean it?
- Do you punch a time clock?
- If so, does your company go into a tailspin if you go over 40 hrs/wk?
- Do you work enough hours to qualify for benefits at your job?
- If so, do they actually give them to you?
- Does the word "inventory" depress you?
- If so, have you sought medical attention and did you manage to score a prescription for marijuana?
- Do you start work before 8:00 am?
- Or leave after 8:00 pm?
- Do you take public transportation?
- By choice?
- Are you required to follow a script when greeting a customer/visitor to your workplace?
- If so, does it make you sound like a lobotomized six-year-old?
- Is there a "no gym shoe" rule at your place of employment?
- If so, is it difficult to enforce?
- Do the words "on fleek" mean anything to you?
- Do you consider yourself more intelligent than your superior?
- If so, is he/she from Michigan?
- Are any of your co-workers from Indiana?
- If so, do they own motorcycles?
- Has the carpeting at your place of employment ever been cleaned?
- Do you work for a woman with a fiance?
- If so, does she spend an inordinate amount of time on the job planning her "destination" wedding?
- If so, has it been more than two years since their first child?
- If so, has she managed to take off the "baby weight"?
- Do you suffer from "Top 40" brainworms?
- Do you earn less than $15/hr?
- In spite of the fact that you have a college degree, graduate work, 2 certifications, 20 years of experience, and stellar references?
- If so, has "Thanksgiving dinner" become the stuff of urban legends for you?
Scoring: Unfortunately, if you answered "yes" to any question #2 through #40, you are tragically underemployed. Sorry.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending how you look at it), I can happily say that questions #2 through #40 are no longer relevant to me. Which makes this particular forum for thoughts on the trials and tribulations of underemployment increasingly difficult to maintain.
And probably means that it's time to move on. I have now published over 300 essays on the subject of underemployment, failing to attract an actual publisher. What I did attract was a "following" who became friends and companions and sympathetic listerners during my walk-of-shame of the last five years. Much better than a publisher.
I am not about to give all that up. Though I am starting a new blog (coming soon to a screen near you!), "Underemployed Is the New Organic" will continue, in a somewhat reduced capacity, until it revs up again when I get a new job (underemployment, of course, because it's just too much fun) or the 2016 presidential election. Rest assured that a veteran voice of the underemployed will be here to make fun of Sarah Palin, whenever and wherever the opportunity should arise. (In truth, I should be making fun of her speech in Iowa last weekend, which contained the truly horrific observation: "The man can only ride you when your back is bent." But I think it stands on its own.)
Keep watching this space. And I'll keep watching yours.