Saturday, June 24, 2017

The American Simple Health Care Act

We the People of the United States claim the right to participate in the same Health Care Plan as is participated wherein by Congress and the President, whose salaries and benefits We provide.

In the case that this Health Care is unaffordable by Us (i.e., it should not exceed 8% of our gross income) we claim the right to subsidy to the necessary cost, or to participate in Medicaid or Medicare as is appropriate.

There.  Two sentences.

All in favor, say "Aye".




Friday, June 23, 2017

Dear Republican Senators

Dear Republican Senators,

One question:

If your health care plan is so fucking wonderful, will YOU all be signing up for it?

Just asking,

Underemployed




Thursday, June 22, 2017

Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

So there are no tapes.  I knew that (see previous post).

I knew it from the beginning.  So did everybody else.  Except for - maybe - Kellyanne Conway who thinks that a microwave oven is a potential surveillance apparatus.  And maybe that one Republican congressman in Michigan who thinks God is going to fix global warming (if it becomes a problem).  Actually, I think in the case of Kellyanne, she just says stuff like that so you won't feel like the only lunatic in the room. 

Here are your tweets:

With all of the recently reported electronic surveillance, intercepts, unmasking and illegal leaking of information, I have no idea...

...whether there are "tapes" or recordings of my conversations with James Comey, but I did not make, and do not have, any such recordings.

 - Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 22, 2017

Now let's take that apart:

"With all of the recently reported (by whom?) electronic surveillance, intercepts, unmasking and illegal leaking of information (only a prob if you're guilty), I have no idea...whether there are "tapes" (those quotation marks again - intriguing!) of my conversations with James Comey, but I did not make, and do not have, any such recordings (no shit).

What the ENTIRE WORLD knows, Mr. Trump, is that you were just throwing a tantrum, shooting off your mouth (or, in this case, short and stubby fingers), and didn't have the balls to admit it.  BELIEVE ME, they're laughing at you. 

And as for James Comey:  You better hope he wasn't wearing a wire. 

Think about it,

Underemployed 



  

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Dear Steve Bannon

Dear Steve Bannon,

Chelsea Clinton says you "fat shamed" Sean Spicer.  And I have no reason to doubt Chelsea Clinton on this.

For the record, Sean Spicer is - by far - the least creepy-looking of anyone in Trump's confederacy of dunces.  And I'm including Jared and Ivanka.  (Maybe especially Jared and Ivanka.)

You, on the other hand, are a bloated, warty toad.  Possibly with alcohol- and/or drug- induced brain damage.  And you look like you smell bad.  

So there is no good reason for you to be anything shaming anybody.

Go away,

Underemployed





Processing Time

Today my husband turns to me and says, "Remember Trump's Cabinet meeting?  The one where everybody was crawling on the floor to lick his shoes?  That was.  The most.  Disgusting.  Thing.  I've EVER seen.  In my whole life."

My husband:
  1. Is 85-years-old, and that's a lot of life,
  2. And he's a former employee of the government of Cook County, IL.
  3. So he knows of which he speaks, 
  4. Because Cook County is basically Chicago,
  5. The government of which has always been - more or less - disgusting.
When this man uses superlatives in reference to government, one listens.

I agree with him, though I didn't require as much processing time.  And I've since pondered what the individual motives might have been for the performances.

Here's what I've come up with:
  1. Greed.
  2. And/or fear.
  3. Except for Mike Pence, 
  4. Who - I'm pretty sure - is what we sometimes euphemistically refer to as "simple minded".
  5. But he's from Indiana.  Therefore, no one notices.   
In case you missed it:


Maybe just a tad too "Supreme Leader"?




Sunday, June 18, 2017

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Dear Ivanka

Dear Ivanka,

Please allow me to impart a bit of wisdom to you.  It's the kind of wisdom one generally acquires before the age of six, if one is not a billionaire and/or has body guards.

"If you're gonna dish it out, make sure you can take it."

I'm not hopeful you know what that means. Especially after listening to you describe to your friends at Fox News how you were "not expecting the viciousness" that a number of people are directing toward your father.

So let me explain it to you.

On Planet Earth, people - for the most part - are not vicious unless somebody gives them a good reason to be.  Some of these reasons are:
  1. Insults;
  2. Disrespect;
  3. Theft;
  4. Sexual harassment;
  5. Falsehoods;
  6. Threats;
  7. Mockery;
  8. Betrayal;
  9. Displays of extreme ignorance;
  10. Ketchup on steak.
Your father is guilty of all of these.  Under normal circumstances, he would not have achieved adulthood in full possession of his teeth.

However, when someone is very rich, there are people who will apparently choose to overlook the offenses.  I say "apparently" because, in many cases, they will simply opt for a more subtle form of revenge.  I know this because I am Sicilian.  And we invented revenge.

What exactly were you expecting?  That all of your father's victims would just roll over and play dead?  A natural expectation, I suppose, given the embarrassing performance of his Cabinet recently.  Unfortunately for your father, though, there are more Americans than not who would rather see him on a one-way trip to the Sombrero Galaxy than in the White House.

Three million more, at last count.

I am guessing that we are to believe you are "the smart one" amongst the children of Trump (though my money's on Tiffany).  Given the field, it's not much of an accomplishment.  And you probably think you are doing wonderful things for the world.  

But I promise you, you are not.  You are simply putting a pretty face on an ugly situation.

Perhaps you believe that your father's behavior is normal.  But We the people - because we were raised right - are not accepting it as our new normal.  

We're dishing it right back at him.  And we will continue to do so until he takes his toys and goes home.

Because that's how you handle a bully.

Regards to Jared,

Underemployed