Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Knives Out

 Dear Marjorie Taylor Greene,

It's hard to find a ray of sunshine in December, especially this December when we are all pandemic and politics weary and we've lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. But today, while I was feeling particularly hopeless and blue, you - yes, YOU! - brought a smile to my face. 

I can't say that I'm a fan of your colleague, Nancy Mace. I doubt we would see eye-to-eye on many issues. But your smackdown with her could not have come at a better time. I find it utterly delightful. 

I would like to take advantage of this surge in my spirits by pointing out a few things about your new nemesis.

  1. "Your" is a possessive pronoun. You meant to say "You are" (subject pronoun + verb) which contracts to "You're."
  2. Oh, never mind. Representative Mace already pointed that out. So, I know she's better educated than you are.
  3. And she's better looking than you are.
  4. And younger. At least, she looks younger. Much, much younger.
  5. And she dresses better than you do. For example, she has the good sense to wear sleeves in the winter. 
  6. Hence, we don't know if she has saggy, baggy upper arms.
  7. Which, unfortunately, we do know about you. 
  8. And LOVE me her earrings.
  9. And if she is - as you say - "trash" (and you, of all people, should be careful of using that word),
  10. She sure doesn't look it. Whereas you look like an escapee from Family Feud (not the Celebrity Edition).
  11. Donald thinks she's hot.
  12. And if she had an IQ of 25, she would still be smarter than you. And the rest of your fabulous Junior Justice League. Put together.
That was fun. Thank you.

I think.

Sincerely,

Underemployed