Monday, January 30, 2017

Challenge

Can you tell which of the following are characters from Harry Potter...

...and which are just Republicans with funny names?

Take the challenge!


Albus Dumbledore
Argus Filch
Barry Loudermilk
Blaine Luetkemeyer
Blake Farenthold
Bledsoe Bobbinsnatcher
Bob Corker
Broderick Bode
Bruce Otter
Cuthbert Binns
Dave Brat
Donald Trump
Doug Ducey
Dutch Ruppersberger
Frank James Sensenbrenner
Gellert Grindelwald
George J. Terwilliger III
Jeff Flake
Kinky Friedman 
Lloyd Smucker
Ludo Bagman
Mike Crapo
Mitt Romney
Morfin Gaunt
Mundungus Fletcher
Newt Gingrich
Newt Scamander
Orrin Hatch
Reginald Cattermole
Reince Priebus
Rufus Scrimgeour
Saxby Chambliss
Steve Mnuchin
Sturgis Podmore
Trey Gowdy III
Trey Hollingsworth
Wilky Twycross
Young Boozer

There's no real point to this.  

Just sayin'.




Sunday, January 29, 2017

Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

Wow!  What a week you had!  SUPER-presidential.  Busy as a bee, and that can't all be strong coffee.  I'm sure you're just worn out from signing everything Steve Bannon puts in front of you.

It's all been a little overwhelming, but I don't want you to think your valiant efforts have gone unnoticed and/or unappreciated.  I'd like to thank you for the following:
  1. Between the Muslim ban, plans for the Great Wall (hey! worked for China in the fourteenth century), and Steve Bannon on the National Security Council, I'm feeling much safer.  Well, maybe "safer" isn't the right word here, but I'm sure feeling something!
  2. Do you think you could ask President (Sorry!  I mean, Mr.) Bannon to bathe once in a while?  It might make him a little less creepy.  (Actually, probably not.)
  3. And a BIG thank you for offering to send "The Feds" into Chicago to straighten us out.  (Is that a band?)
  4. But before you do that, a word of advice:  Watch some film footage of the 1968 Democratic Convention.
  5. And those were just the white people.
I hope the noisy protesters aren't disturbing your sleep, but I get the impression that you don't sleep very much anyway.  Which sort of worries me.

And finally, please don't worry about any crazy (nasty, vile, loathsome) stuff that Vlad and Stevie might be holding over your head.

It won't change the way I feel about you one bit.

Your comrade,

Underemployed

 




Thursday, January 26, 2017

Just a Quick Note

Dear Senator Sandlin,

I'd rather have a fat ass than a fat head.

Just sayin'.

Sincerely,

Underemployed





Monday, January 23, 2017

Alternative Facts

Dear Mr. Trump,

I'm always thrilled when I hear a new word or phrase that would make a great name for a band.  "Alternative Facts" ranks up there as one of the best, and thank you for sharing.  I considered thanking Kellyanne Conway, but I am reluctant to attribute this sort of creative intelligence to anyone who so closely resembles Bill the Cat:




Thus, I'd like to assume that little beauty was yours.  Again, my thanks.  It corrects a misconception, under which I've been laboring under for quite some time i.e., that you've never read a book in your life.

I now know that you've at least read Orwell.

Keep 'em coming, and Go Falcons!

Underemployed


Friday, January 20, 2017

Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

I thought I'd take a little break from checking condo prices on Cape Breton in order to send you a thank-you note.

Yes, a thank-you note.  The first of many, I hope.

No Nervous Nellie here!  On this: the grim, dark, murky day of your inauguration as President of the United States, the very skies entreating the cruel and uncaring Fates with anguished sobs, I have poured myself a glass of wine (the first, I think, of many tonight), and decided to look on the bright side.

"What bright side?" one might ask, and one might be right, if short-sighted.  I will remind my gentle (and terrified) readers that every experience (no matter how unnatural/bizarre/repugnant) is ever wasted, but for the lessons to be learned therein.

 And here's what I learned, just today:
  1. There is a God.
  2. Only one.
  3. He's a guy.
Thank you.  That's a big lesson.  No too subtly delivered, either.  My mother ship, to whom I beam up news from this planet, will be glad to hear that's finally settled.

The best thing about this Guy-God?  He is personally on our side.  The United States of America.  He likes us.  And our best friends.  A lot.  So, no worries.  I thank you, Mr. Trump, for letting us know about that.  I'll cancel my therapist.

There are a couple of other things I would also like to thank you for, sir:
  1. Pointing out that I've been mispronouncing the word "redistributed" my whole life. 
  2. Initiating the process to kill that pesky Climate Action Plan.  And while we were all looking at Melania's dress, you clever-boots!  I live in Chicago.  Make no mistake about it, dude, I am absolutely fucking thrilled by global warming.
Lastly, Mr. Trump, thank you for prompting me to write.  I have a feeling that you will be a constant source of inspiration, if not enlightenment, for the next four years.  Two years, if Melania pushes you out of bed and you break your hip.  But, hey, I'm not a political strategist.

With gratitude, best of luck and Go Packers!

Underemployed







Sunday, January 1, 2017

Pass the Vodka - Available on Amazon!

Just when you thought it was safe...

My second book:





Now available on Amazon!

The book and the Kindle version are listed separately.  So far.  I have learned (from experience) that I will wake up one morning and they will magically appear under one product listing, unprompted by any action taken by me.  Is this a great world, or what?

Happy New Year to all!

It's good to be back.