Sunday, November 12, 2017

Dear Mr. Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

I know I called you "old" (which is true), but I didn't call you "fat" (which is also true).  But because you are an ignorant, ill-mannered barbarian, you had to go ahead and fat-shame me.  

You could have left it at "short".  But no.

I've got the high road on this one.

Your most bitter and long-suffering enemy,

Kim Jong-un
Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea
Party Central Committee
Superior Person
Dear Leader
Respected Leader
Wise Leader
Brilliant Leader
Unique Leader  
Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have  (my favorite!)
Commander in Chief
Great Leader
Father of the People
Sun of the Communist Future
Shining Star of Paektu Mountain
Guiding Sun Ray
Leader of the Revolutionary Armed Forces
Guarantee of the Fatherland's Unification
Symbol of the Fatherland's Unification
Fate of the Nation
Beloved Father
Leader of the Party, the Country, and the Army
Great Leader of our Party and our Nation
Great General
Beloved and Respected Leader
Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander
Sun of Socialism
Sun of the Nation
The Great Sun of Life
Great Sun of the Nation
Father of the Nation
World Leader of the 21st Century
Peerless Leader
Bright Sun of the 21st Century
Great Sun of the 21st Century
Leader of the 21st Century
Amazing Politician  (my 2nd favorite!)
Great Man, Who Descended from Heaven
Glorious General, Who Descended from Heaven
Supreme Leader of the Nation
Bright Sun of Juche  (where's that?)
Leader of the Party and the People
Great Marshall
Invincible and Triumphant General
Dear Father
Guiding Star of the 21st Century
Great Man, Who Is a Man of Deeds
Great Defender
Savior  (I know. It's been done.)
Mastermind of the Revolution
Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradeship
His Excellency
Eternal General Secretary of the Party
Best Dancer Ever

P.S.  You see all my titles, you pathetic little orange booger?  Trust me, I do not need to lose weight.

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