I know I'm going to offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think that the combination of bleach and over-exposure to a blow dryer can have a detrimental effect on the brain.
I'm specifically thinking of Ivanka Trump, who - if everything goes according to plan - will be the First Woman President of the United States. Elected by Russian hackers, people who wear shorts with elastic waistbands, angry white guys, and desperate white women who want angry white guys to love them.
(Boy, won't that just burn Hillary's butt! I can hear Trump cackling in my sleep.)
Here's the plan:
- Trump acts like an ignorant, senile old bastard with a pathological need for attention.
- The behavior escalates until everybody in the world considers acquiring an emergency stash of opioids.
- The ethereally lovely Ivanka wafts in to soothe the savage beast and make it all better. Everybody in the world is grateful that the pain stops, even for a moment.
- Steps 1-3 are repeated as necessary.
- Ivanka runs for president after stashing Daddy in a (very classy) memory care facility.
Here's what to watch for:
- Increasingly bad behavior from Dad Trump, ultimately mitigated by the Enlightened Voice of Reason (which she will refer to, in the future, as her "experience").
- The Divorce. Jared has acquired an impressive amount of baggage is a very short period of time, no? I predict that Ivanka will be "shocked and heartbroken", as reported by The Enquirer.
- The Sons of Trump will mysteriously disappear.
A proper sucker punch. And we thought it was Donald we needed to worry about.
Hey, Ivanka: If you're so all-fired clever and influential, why is THIS happening:
I guess it's small potatoes compared to the 50 million smackeroos Daddy pledged to your pet Women's Project. I was particularly repelled by the big Thank-You Kiss, though I'm pretty sure I would kiss a hyena's ass for 50 million dollars.