Sometime in the Very Near Future...

Dear Mr. Trump,

You have definitely put yourself between a rock and a hard place.

The Rock:  "James Comey better hope that there are no 'tapes' of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!"

The Hard Place:  There are no "tapes".  

I know there are no "tapes".  You know there are no "tapes".  And "tapes"-gate is going to be like that little Obama "wire tapping" comedy, because you will point out that you used "quotation marks", so you can say anything you want and don't have to "worry" about it being taken "literally" by - oh, let's say - a "special counsel" during the course of an "independent investigation".

Now, or "...sometime in the very near future", you are going to have to 'fess up.  In public.  To a lot of people.  Most of whom will laugh.

Anyway, you will have to confess one of the following things:

1. You just made that shit up.
2. The voices (the ones that only you can hear) told you there were tapes, and the voices are never wrong.
3. If Sean Spicer were doing a better job, you wouldn't have these problems.

Dude, here's a flash:  EVERYBODY knows there are no tapes.  But everybody is pretending that there might be tapes because everybody delights in ridiculing you.

I hope that clears things up.

Until then, Happy Golfing!

Underemployed