Dear Mr. Trump,
Great party, dude! Now we finally have a precedent, finally!
Or at least that's what it looked like from this side of the fake news media's glowing reports. "Disneyland for conservatives" is how one happy camper put it, though a lot of you sounded like you'd been on the Mad Tea Cups for a few too many spins.
Experiencing some major FoMO here. Who knew the Conservative Political Action Conference, something I had been (blissfully) unaware of all my life, would be such a blast? This party had everything: plenty of booze (apparently), a plethora of non-creative fiction, Russian flags, art therapy (?)(!), groovy young people wearing "Socialism Sucks" t-shirts...
...and a bromance between Steve Bannon and Reince Priebus that was so darn hot that I'm thinking you might want to ask them which bathroom they want to use.
Believe me, I couldn't stop combing the Internet for juicy details. That is, until I came across a video of a some dude with a truly terrifying hair transplant telling everybody how much fun you really are.
As if we couldn't guess.
Then there was Kellyanne (you know...that one girl...), at her best, charming the crowd with her cleverness ("TPAC" - too cute!) and laying it out once and for all that she is not a feminist. At least not in the "classic sense", something that is confusing to people who own dictionaries. But my son told me that he saw a video of her punching out some guy at the inauguration (I bet he said something about your dress, Kellyanne. Did that bastard tell you he didn't like your dress? Honey, nobody liked that dress), so I'll give her a pass.
Keep on partying like it's 1699,