Monday, March 3, 2014

Love Story

The 3rd of March.  Spring should be in the air.  The reduced circumstances of my underemployment dictates my mode of transportation, so I am shivering on a train platform on the way to visit my mother in the hospital.  Travel time:  three hours, one way.
It is 2 degrees outside and the guy standing next to me is wearing:
  1. a fur vest;
  2. a ninja mask; and
  3. a sword.
Dude.  Really?
Of course, the ninja mask could simply be a measure against the gripping cold, and the sword is sheathed.  So I'm not worried.  Yet.
Fortunately, the ninja does not board the same train that I do.  But a better fate awaits me.  On my train is a couple of obstreperous BFFs (what is the correct plural form of an initialism?) who are having a conversation:
"Did you see that shit?"
"Yeah, they got a lot of new colors, and shit."
"And designer prints, and shit!"
"Guess who called me last night?"
"Oh, not him again!  Shit!  What did he say?"
"He was giving me attitude, and shit."
"Yeah, and I told him to have some respect, and shit."
"Yeah.  Shit."
Sitting next to the more presentable of the two young ladies is a young man, dressed in a fashion that could only be described as "classic Ali G".  He is engaging in a conversation on his cell phone:
"Fuck, man, I gotta get off this phone.  Yeah, I fuckin' know, man.  Yeah, man, you know I don't fuck with you, man!  You're my only fuckin' friend, man.  Yeah, I fuckin' hear you, man.  Fuck, man, yeah.  I gotta get off this fuckin' phone, man, now!  I'll call you fuckin' later.  From my work phone.  When you see that 800 number?  That's me, man."
He hangs up.  Leaving me to wonder where he could possibly be gainfully employed.  And if he makes more money than I do.
The young lady next to him says brightly, "Well, that's settled!"
Which sets off an intense and - dare I surmise? - decidedly flirtatious conversation.  In my fantasy world (see previous post), fuckin' love is born.  And shit.
"Hey, I fuckin' love you!"
"That's good!  'Cuz I'm all pregnant, and shit."
The wedding:
"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I fuckin' do, man!"
"And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"Shit, yeah!"
And the scion of this splendid pairing:
"Daddy's fuckin' little baby girl!"
"DaDa!  Shit!"
On a frigid morning during the worst winter in Chicago history - and these are no idle words - this is warming the cockles of my heart.
Can my hands and feet be far behind?


PinkCheetahVintage said...

I can't hardly concentrate on this shit. It's so damn cold. I am sitting with my chair pulled up to the kitchen counter and shit just so my feet will be near the fuckin' furnace vents...
It's cold.
And literally something, a dog? a wolf? is now howling outside.
Hope your mom is ok. Cold ass train rides to the hospital do not sound fun.

PinkCheetahVintage said...

Where is my previous comment!?
Ugggh I was just going to ADD that this poem made me think of Eliot's THE LOVE SONG OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK.

Aida said...

Hi sweetie!
First of all I hope your mother gets better soon and that you keep on having the strength and positivity towards life as you've been showing. Things haven´t really been easy around here as well... I keep you always in my mind althou I don't show up as often as I would like to. Again this piece of writing is the proof that you are a very talented story teller!!! keep up the excelllent good humour and a may spring brings us the balm we deserve!!!

the tightest hug dearest Linda

Connie said...

Shit! March really does come in like a fucking lion! I just love that you are always paying attention! Wishing the best for your mom.

Gloria la borsa di mary poppins said...

very nice!!!! I love!!!!

Martin said...

what the fuck that shit really true..

3 hours with people who seem to be unable to speak like normal humans...good luck that we learned how to spell millions of years ago to end up like that now :D

God...I would have love to know more about the Ninja! He should have been on the same train like you :)

Aida said...

Sending You my love and a million kisses and thank You, from the bottom of my heart, for all your sweet care!
Hope things are better with your beloved mom.

Wish You a peaceful and inspirational week luv

Fabrizia said...

Really funny as always! I adore your post!
And I really hope all the best for your mother!
Fabrizia – Cosa Mi Metto???

Ines RdP said...

hahahahaha ! I love read this!!! haha

xoxo from Spain my funny friend!!!

Martin said...

Hun Im waiting for your next post :) xx

Aida said...

wish you a wonderful warming week luv!