People who are entitled to special treatment:
- Small children;
- Pregnant ladies:
- The elderly;
- The poor (this may be circumstantial and/or relative);
- Sick people (subject to the conditions of #4, above);
- Crazy people (but only if they're REALLY crazy, which means they probably wouldn't ask for special treatment);
- The injured athlete we're currently treating at my office. Seriously, man, I'd bring charges against the guy who did that to you.
People who are not entitled to special treatment:
- Assholes (even if you are in one of the qualifying categories);
- "Young" people (sorry, figure it out on your own, it's a learning experience, and that's how you grow up);
- Very good looking people (only if they're nice, too);
- Students (unless they are studying tremendously hard and have nothing to eat);
- Famous people (maybe if they're SO famous that mingling with the masses would lead to social unrest);
- Rich people.
I would like to address, specifically, the people of the second list.
- Assholes: No amount of bullying, intimidation, snarky comments, threats, or shouting would move me to give you want you are so obviously used to getting from your victims. You would have to beat me senseless. And, I assure you, that - in spite of my appearing to be a little person with grey hair - any attempt to beat me senseless would result in the permanent disfigurement of your face. And don't bother asking for my boss. She's meaner than I am, which is why I love her;
- "Young" people: Not all young people. I'm speaking to the young people who think the world should be charmed/and or shocked by their uproarious antics. We are neither. But we are a little embarrassed by them, because we used to do the same thing. I think it's a mating call;
- Very good looking people: You are a delight to the eyes, let's leave it at that;
- Students: I'm not talking about urban college, financial aid kids. They've got it tough. I'm talking about dorm-room-three-meals-a-day kids. Stop whining (unless you're studying for a degree in Finance);
- Famous people: Do you know how many people wouldn't recognize you if you walked up to them and introduced yourself? No, you don't, because if you did you would go home and fire your agent;
- Rich people: This includes you, you silly bitch, who waved your Chanel sunglasses in my face while announcing you couldn't POSSIBLY wait for the next available appointment, implied that we should empty the waiting room so that you could be attended to IMMEDIATELY, and demanded to see that NICE young man who took care of you the last time you were here (he left three years ago, probably because of the likes of you).
I don't get the entitlement thing. One would think that, being healthy and well-fed and in possession of a certain amount of good breeding, one would take pride in giving up one's seat to a lady (who may or may not be pregnant, how would you know?) or waiting one's turn in line with good grace or paying the displayed price of an item without harassing a salesperson to tears.
Maybe it's just that we're so afraid of being taken for a chump. So afraid that we're making the pre-emptive strike against those that just might be taking advantage of us.
Law of the jungle and all that. The next time some six-foot guy elbows me out of the way so he can get on the train first, I just might hit him with my purse. Which is really heavy right now, since I'm reading "The Count of Monte Cristo".
I wouldn't mind doing time for that one.
4 comments:
Hilarious!
clever....and fun....I'm a follower now!
re: the 6' guy,I learned from the Chinese ladies on the 39 Stockton in San Francisco years ago...THIS is why you carry a real umbrella with a point and learn to mash your heel into just the right part of that tall person's foot. Your elbows can jab lower and more painfully than his....and you smile and say,"Excuse please." Go for it. They'll never take you alive.
Wow! Thanks, Christine! I'm going out to buy a real umbrella right now.
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